Coming to terms with the choices we make

I am a little over three months into deciding to leave work and have had a lot of time to think about things also a lot of time to question the decisions I made. To the point where I have been contemplating returning to the very thing that drove me to change mine and my family’s lives to begin with.

I was not prepared for the guilt that has come with my decision and the constant thoughts of it all. I feel like I left a relationship that was no longer right and am experiencing all the emotions from it.

These emotions include regret, loneliness, fear, anger, self-doubt and a sense of betrayal not from me but from the other side where I had put everything in for years and years for it simply to end.

I was not prepared for the constant thoughts of ‘Did I make the wrong choice’, these have been overwhelming at times and caused a large amount of distress when I should be enjoying the time I have gotten back.

Overall, it has been a difficult transition which I hope over time will become easier. I am sure it will just like it does for any relationship but in the meantime, I really need to start to enjoy what I have been given instead of dwelling in the past. This really struck me today as I was bike riding to the beach which would not have been possible if things were different.

Also here I am feeling sorry for myself when there are far far worse things in this world. I really dont have any right to feel this way when you really think about it, I wish I could just shut these thought away. Who knows from today maybe they will start to subside.